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No, my friends.
This is now the United States of Zombieland.
It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm.
And why am I alive when everyone around me has turned to meat?
It's because of my list of rules.
Rule number one for surviving Zombieland: Cardio.
When the virus struck, for obvious reasons...
...the first ones to go were the fatties.
Poor fat bastard.
But as the infection spread and the chaos grew...
...it wasn't enoughto just be fast on your feet.
You had to get a gun and learn how to use it.
Which leads me to my second rule: The Double Tap.
In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really "dead" dead...
...don't get all stingy with your bullets.
I mean, one more clean shot to the head...
...and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
Wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever.
When you're at your most vulnerable, somehow they could just smell it.
Can't a guy take a dumper in peace?
Don't let them catch you with your pants down.
Rule nimber three: Beware of bathrooms.
As zombies began to outnumber humans...
...well, that's when you had to cut all emotional ties.
If the girls in your neighborhood are now fucked-up little monsters...
...well, maybe it's time to stop driving carpool.
You had to focus on your own survival...
...which leads to rule number four. Pretty basic.
Fasten your seat belts. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
zombies - zumbis
zombieland - zombieland
which - qual
vulnerable - vulnerável
virus - vírus
united - unidos
undead - morto-vivo
three - três
those - essa
woulda - woulda
surviving - sobrevivendo
struck - atingiu
storm - tempestade
stingy - mesquinho
somehow - de alguma forma
survival - sobrevivência
shoulda - shoulda
second - segundo
rules - regras
quickly - rapidamente
outnumber - supera em número
obvious - óbvio
reasons - razões
neighborhood - vizinhança
monsters - monstros
gonna - vai
fasten - apertar
clever - esperto
bullets - balas
things - coisas
spread - espalhar
beware - tenha cuidado
double - duplo
began - começasse
coulda - coulda
chaos - caos
peace - paz
number - número
fucked - fodido
turned - virou
girls - meninas
around - por aí
carpool - carpool
alive - vivo
bathrooms - banheiros
really - realmente
everyone - todos
could - poderia
little - pequeno
catch - pegar
basic - básico
bastard - desgraçado
states - estados
before - antes
emotional - emocional
bumpy - irregular
belts - cintos
because - porque
driving - dirigindo
becoming - tornando-se
enoughto - suficiente para
pretty - bonita
cardio - cardio
fatties - fatties
first - primeiro
total - total
moments - momentos
clean - limpar \ limpo
focus - foco
smell - cheiro
friends - amigos
avoided - evitou
dumper - dumper
happy - feliz
human - humano
humans - humanos
infection - infecção
nimber - nimber
maybe - talvez
pants - calça
amazing - surpreendente
leads - conduz
learn - aprender
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