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Funny People - Marginally Famous A**hole (Ru)
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You know, so, like, I have this joke
about how, like, you never see, like,
a very attractive, blonde,
big-breasted homeless woman.
You know, like, like someone will take
care of that person no matter what.
- That woman's gonna be fine.
- All right, so here's the joke.
You can be attractive and
stupid and make it in the world.
And you could be unattractive and
smart and make it in the world.
But it's the ugly, dumb
people who are really screwed
'cause they're ignorant
and an eyesore.
- That's funny, man.
- That's pretty funny.
I think that'll work.
I was thinking of doing
this thing where, like,
I'm not good-looking
and I'm not bad-looking.
Kind of, like, right
in the middle, you know.
Like, if I had a good personality,
I could get any chick in the world,
- but I don't.
- Yeah, it doesn't work.
I auditioned for Budd
Friedman at the improv.
He okayed me
and made me a regular.
Budd won't even
look me in the eye.
Man, that's... Good for
you, man. Congratulations.
You shouldn't have lost
all that weight, man.
There's nothing funny
about a physically-fit man.
- I know. It's lame, right?
- Yeah.
No one wants to watch
Lance Armstrong do comedy.
Oh, God.
Hey, Ira.
Oh, hey, Mark. Can you do me a
favor and never leave a paycheck
from your shit sitcom on my
pillow ever again, please?
That is so rude of me to
accidentally leave my paycheck
for $25,000 on your pillow. I'm sorry.
It's a dick move.
It's just, they keep coming,
you know, week after week.
It's getting a little bit hard
to keep track of them all.
You know what?
Becoming marginally famous has
really turned you into an asshole.
Now listen, I'd love
to stay here and chat with you
but we have company.
You know that girl comedian
who lives across the street?
The one with the dark hair
and the bangs?
Daisy, yeah.
Daisy, right. Well, I bumped into
her outside and I invited her in,
and she's sitting in our
living room right now.
She's out there
right now?
She's hot and she's mousy,
but kind of like...
She's mousy like a mouse you
want to stick your dick in.
Yeah, you've gotta get
out there and talk to her.
Why would you do that?
What do you mean, why would I do that?
I'm trying to hook you up.
Well, I'm laying
groundwork, man.
I got a three-month plan. You
can't just throw me into this.
I'll give you 10 days
on your three-month plan.
No, I need 80
more days than that!
Okay, I do this because I care
about you. I do this to motivate you.
But I will fuck that girl
in 10 days. I promise.
Come on, dude,
I'm not cute like you.
I don't look like Jackson
Browne. I look like Jon Favreau!
Don't do this to me.
Don't make me fuck her.
Well, then just
don't fuck her!
Don't you put me in this corner
where I have to fuck my way out.
He'll do it, too. He'll do it.
I've seen him do this before.
I'm gonna go out there and warm
her up. I'll see you out there.
would - бы
world - мир
woman - женщина
laying - прокладка
jackson - джексон
sitcom - комедия положений
homeless - бездомный
think - думать
wants - хочет
improv - импровизация
street - улица
unattractive - непривлекательный
getting - получение
across - через
favor - благоприятствовать
famous - известный
eyesore - уродство
becoming - становление
doing - дела
daisy - маргаритка
about - около
could - мог
corner - угол
again - еще раз
motivate - мотивировать
browne - browne
gonna - собирается
accidentally - случайно
attractive - привлекательный
asshole - мудак
favreau - фавро
company - компания
after - после
armstrong - армстронг
personality - личность
bumped - врезались
lance - копье
little - немного
invited - приглашенный
comedian - комик
bangs - челка
leave - оставлять
because - потому как
comedy - комедия
coming - приход
groundwork - фундамент
gotta - должен
friedman - friedman
funny - веселая
smart - умная
blonde - блондинка
congratulations - поздравления
chick - цыпленок
before - до
ignorant - невежественный
someone - кто то
physically - физически
mousy - мышонок
lives - жизни
thing - вещь
pillow - подушка
looking - ищу
matter - дело
middle - средний
okayed - выложит
month - месяц
outside - за пределами
paycheck - зарплаты
never - никогда
people - люди
please - пожалуйста
stupid - глупый
person - человек
auditioned - прослушивался
pretty - симпатичная
promise - обещание
really - действительно
regular - регулярный
right - правильно
weight - вес
sitting - сидящий
sorry - прости
stick - придерживаться
breasted - однобортный
there - там
mouse - мышь
thinking - мышление
three - три
listen - слушать
throw - бросать
nothing - ничего
track - трек
trying - пытаясь
turned - оказалось
living - живой
watch - смотреть
marginally - минимально
screwed - пьяный
where - где
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