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Can I please get the garbage omelet, double meat, home fries...
and how about everything bagel...
...with butter, cream cheese, jelly, all that shit.
And then, you know what? I'll take a chocolate shake.
And I will make it very easy for you.
- You know, I'll have that same exact thing. - Okay.
- I'll just have the turkey burger. - Okay.
Is there a way to just wrap it in lettuce, like use lettuce as if the bun?
- We can do no bun. Does that work? - No bun. Yeah.
Fries or salad?
Uh, I'll get the salad with dressing on the side.
- Yep, coming up. - Thank you.
Wow! - What?
- That's like... you're eating like a bird there, huh? - No.
He's visiting Erin for Thanksgiving and worrying about his weight.
- All right. - Jesus. - I told you not to say anything.
We haven't seen each other in a while, okay? So...
Okay, I get that. I understand. That makes sense to me.
- Wanna tighten up. - I get you, I get you.
I mean, If you're so worried about your appearance,
are you gonna do something about your veiny, white skin? Mm.
'Cause right now you look like an actor in a kabuki troupe.
- You're really want to talk about appearances. - How so?
No offense, but with the moustache...
- What? You don't like it? - It's disgusting.
I don't care what you think about this. This is not for you.
Who's it for, the ྏ Yankees bullpen?
Very funny.
No, I'm actually trying to scratch a very specific demographic off my fuck-it list.
What's a fuck-it list?
He's got this list, it's like a bucket list...
but it's all the women he's trying to bang before he dies.
So, what kind of women are you hoping to attract with your moustache?
Older women, between 45 and 60.
Oh, so, cougars.
- This is where it's weird. - No. No, not cougars.
Okay, see, cougars, to me, are sad, desperate
older women that want to be young now.
Okay? But what I'm looking for are older attractive women...
that want to be young again. All right?
See, when women see me with a moustache of that type...
they're transported back to a time when the moustache was king:
- The '70s, the early '80s. - Right.
All right? The era of their sexual awakening.
So then, when I'm on top of them, and they look up at me...
they see this person, they're transported back to that time.
All right? See, this isn't a moustache, it's a time machine.
It's a time machine to the back of Burt Reynolds' Camaro.
Right. You know what, it's... - Bottom line is, dude, don't get a moustache, get a tan.
I don't think she's that kind of girl.
I just don't think she's that superficial. - Really?
Okay, so she won't bang fat dudes...
but she will sleep with a guy who has skin
that looks like his face is covered in jizz?
Bro, If she's gonna dump you for eating too many carbs...
she's definitely gonna dump you for not having a tan.
That's true.
All right, I get the point.
yankees - янкі
worried - стурбований
white - білий
weight - вага
wanna - хочу
visiting - відвідування
trying - намагаюся
think - думай
while - поки
their - їх
thanksgiving - подяка
thing - річ
superficial - поверхневий
worrying - турбуючись
transported - перевезено
something - щось
shake - струсити
weird - дивний
sense - сенс
scratch - подряпати
right - правильно
really - дійсно
salad - салат
point - точка
person - людина
omelet - омлет
offense - злочин
makes - робить
looking - дивлячись
sexual - сексуальний
older - [object Object]
lettuce - салат
butter - масло
covered - покритий
burger - бургер
dressing - одягання
early - рано
looks - виглядає
exact - точно
where - де
bullpen - КПЗ
actor - актор
there - там
bucket - відро
carbs - вуглеводи
bottom - дно
chocolate - шоколад
before - раніше
demographic - демографічний
actually - насправді
appearance - зовнішній вигляд
please - будь ласка
between - між
veiny - жилка
bagel - бублик
garbage - сміття
cheese - сир
jesus - Ісус
other - інший
about - про
attractive - привабливий
understand - зрозуміти
appearances - виступів
sleep - спати
gonna - збираюся
thank - спасибі
anything - нічого
camaro - камаро
women - жінки
double - подвійний
young - молодий
awakening - пробудження
disgusting - огидно
turkey - індичка
troupe - трупа
moustache - вуса
cougars - пума
again - знову
cream - крем
specific - конкретний
hoping - сподіваючись
definitely - безумовно
machine - машина
fries - картопля фрі
desperate - відчайдушний
eating - їсти
attract - залучити
kabuki - Кабукі
jelly - желе
coming - приходить
everything - все
dudes - хлопці
funny - смішно
tighten - затягніть
having - маючи
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