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My life is 24/7 bad.
I mean, the only happiness I get is when I'm out with my son.
I've been to marriage counseling...
I've done things I never thought I would have to do.
I've lit candles, bought self-help books, lingerie.
- Did the candles help? - Hell, no.
All right. I don't love her the way she needs to be loved...
and I don't even see a future for us, but then I look at my little boy...
sitting at the table across from me, and I think I would suffer any torture
to be with him for all the minutes of his life.
You know, I don't want to miss out on one.
But then, there... there's no joy or laughter in my home.
And I don't want him growing up in that.
No laughter? That's terrible.
My parents have been together for 35 years...
and even when they had a bad fight they end up laughing like crazy.
I don't want to be one of those people getting divorced at 52...
falling down into tears, admitting that they never really loved their spouse
and they feel their life has been sucked up into a vacuum cleaner.
You know, I want a great life. I want her to have a great life...
she deserves that.
But we're just living in the pretense of a marriage, responsibility...
you know, all these, these ideas of how people are supposed to live.
But then I... I have these dreams...
What dreams?
I have these dreams, you know, that...
I'm standing on a platform...
and you keep going by on a train...
and you go by, and you go by, and you go by, you go by.
And I wake up with the fucking sweats.
And then I have this other dream...
where you're pregnant in bed beside me naked...
and I want so badly to touch you
but you tell me not to and then you look away.
I touch you anyway...
right on your ankle, and your skin is so soft that I wake up in sobs.
And my wife is sitting there looking at me,
and I feel like I'm a million miles from her.
And I know that there's something wrong...
that I can't keep living like this...
that there's gotta be something more to love than commitment.
But then I think that I might have given up...
on the whole idea of romantic love.
That I... I might have put it to bed that...
That day when you weren't there.
You know, I think I might have done...
years
wrong
would
whole
where
torture
together
thought
think
there
table
spouse
something
touch
sitting
romantic
really
things
suffer
people
getting
sucked
future
dream
books
fucking
candles
commitment
terrible
platform
divorced
deserves
falling
sweats
crazy
loved
beside
tears
looking
right
minutes
anyway
pretense
badly
supposed
admitting
counseling
naked
vacuum
ankle
across
fight
dreams
little
given
marriage
going
train
these
gotta
cleaner
other
great
happiness
might
ideas
needs
laughing
responsibility
bought
laughter
those
their
lingerie
parents
living
standing
pregnant
miles
growing
million
never
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