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Ooh, listen to this.
I got in a wreck because I was admiring
the shoulder hickey that Brett gave me
and got t-boned by a parked car.
Brett came over to comfort me and I'm so obsessed with him.
His face smells like Sea Breeze
and his hair is so long that when I make out with him
I pretend it's a scarf.
P.S. I might be pregnant.
- That shit is juicy. Read yours. - Okay.
I changed the grit on my rock tumbler today.
The amethyst is really shaping up.
I'm gonna mount it in a bolo tie for Dylan.
He got a new neck brace to stretch his melting vertebrae.
He loved his birthday card.
Especially how I burnt the edges of the scroll.
P.S. Crafting heals.
Last night at the party, I danced so hard my bra was soaking wet.
Jeff and I were flirting, and then he said
Let me show you something.
So we went to my room, and guess what he showed me?
A ween that is still wearing its hat.
Mmm. Your turn.
Wow. How many times did you have sex in this house?
You should have had sex here.
Having sex in your childhood bedroom is a rite of passage.
You chose the party mom role to protect yourself from fun.
No! I was not afraid of fun.
Here, check this out.
Happy birthday to me.
My party was amazing. I got what I asked for.
I am now a sponsor of a child in Ecuador.
I was the designated driver
because I could tell no one else wanted to be.
My favorite birthday gift was knowing everyone got home safe.
Last night was so fun I can't even talk about it.
There are no, period, words, period.
Man, I couldn't even talk about it!
I took my deaf friend to the Sheila E. concert
so she could really feel the music.
She was so grateful.
I didn't smoke pot because I was afraid there wasn't enough for everyone.
Oh, come on.
I miss those goddamn glory days.
Well, clearly, we had different experiences.
Oh, here's a play-by-play of a Jerry Lewis telethon.
Here's a chart of all the penises I ever saw.
Oh, good. Here's a quote from Helen Keller.
Here's really incorrect information about how to put a IUD in.
Here's a list of my houseplants.
- Put it in my butt. - Ew.
yourself
wreck
words
vertebrae
breeze
happy
protect
guess
jerry
especially
burnt
favorite
smells
edges
designated
gonna
experiences
wanted
crafting
could
birthday
wearing
because
pretend
brett
admiring
amethyst
scarf
concert
lewis
obsessed
about
information
enough
boned
showed
hickey
amazing
brace
clearly
goddamn
everyone
different
times
telethon
asked
yours
bedroom
chose
child
grateful
check
afraid
danced
flirting
ecuador
comfort
music
should
heals
house
night
sheila
incorrect
juicy
keller
knowing
listen
having
dylan
houseplants
loved
driver
might
chart
mount
really
helen
smoke
party
penises
passage
melting
period
pregnant
glory
quote
scroll
changed
those
shaping
stretch
shoulder
today
friend
soaking
childhood
parked
something
sponsor
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