Ejercicios
Comedy
Going the Distance - The Mustache Time Machine

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Going the Distance - The Mustache Time Machine (Es)

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Categoría: Comedy

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Can I please get the garbage omelet, double meat, home fries...

and how about everything bagel...

...with butter, cream cheese, jelly, all that shit.

And then, you know what? I'll take a chocolate shake.

And I will make it very easy for you.

- You know, I'll have that same exact thing. - Okay.

- I'll just have the turkey burger. - Okay.

Is there a way to just wrap it in lettuce, like use lettuce as if the bun?

- We can do no bun. Does that work? - No bun. Yeah.

Fries or salad?

Uh, I'll get the salad with dressing on the side.

- Yep, coming up. - Thank you.

Wow! - What?

- That's like... you're eating like a bird there, huh? - No.

He's visiting Erin for Thanksgiving and worrying about his weight.

- All right. - Jesus. - I told you not to say anything.

We haven't seen each other in a while, okay? So...

Okay, I get that. I understand. That makes sense to me.

- Wanna tighten up. - I get you, I get you.

I mean, If you're so worried about your appearance,

are you gonna do something about your veiny, white skin? Mm.

'Cause right now you look like an actor in a kabuki troupe.

- You're really want to talk about appearances. - How so?

No offense, but with the moustache...

- What? You don't like it? - It's disgusting.

I don't care what you think about this. This is not for you.

Who's it for, the ྏ Yankees bullpen?

Very funny.

No, I'm actually trying to scratch a very specific demographic off my fuck-it list.

What's a fuck-it list?

He's got this list, it's like a bucket list...

but it's all the women he's trying to bang before he dies.

So, what kind of women are you hoping to attract with your moustache?

Older women, between 45 and 60.

Oh, so, cougars.

- This is where it's weird. - No. No, not cougars.

Okay, see, cougars, to me, are sad, desperate

older women that want to be young now.

Okay? But what I'm looking for are older attractive women...

that want to be young again. All right?

See, when women see me with a moustache of that type...

they're transported back to a time when the moustache was king:

- The '70s, the early '80s. - Right.

All right? The era of their sexual awakening.

So then, when I'm on top of them, and they look up at me...

they see this person, they're transported back to that time.

All right? See, this isn't a moustache, it's a time machine.

It's a time machine to the back of Burt Reynolds' Camaro.

Right. You know what, it's... - Bottom line is, dude, don't get a moustache, get a tan.

I don't think she's that kind of girl.

I just don't think she's that superficial. - Really?

Okay, so she won't bang fat dudes...

but she will sleep with a guy who has skin

that looks like his face is covered in jizz?

Bro, If she's gonna dump you for eating too many carbs...

she's definitely gonna dump you for not having a tan.

That's true.

All right, I get the point.

yankees - yanquis

worried - preocupado

white - blanco

weight - peso

wanna - quiere

visiting - visitando

trying - molesto

think - pensar

while - mientras

their - su

thanksgiving - acción de gracias

thing - cosa

superficial - superficial

worrying - preocupante

transported - transportado

something - alguna cosa

shake - sacudir

weird - extraño

sense - sentido

scratch - rasguño

right - derecho

really - de verdad

salad - ensalada

point - punto

person - persona

omelet - tortilla

offense - ofensa

makes - hace

looking - mirando

sexual - sexual

older - mayor

lettuce - lechuga

butter - mantequilla

covered - cubierto

burger - hamburguesa

dressing - vendaje

early - temprano

looks - mira

exact - exacto

where - dónde

bullpen - toril

actor - actor

there - ahí

bucket - cangilón

carbs - carbohidratos

bottom - fondo

chocolate - chocolate

before - antes de

demographic - demográfico

actually - actualmente

appearance - apariencia

please - por favor

between - entre

veiny - veninoso

bagel - rosquilla

garbage - basura

cheese - queso

jesus - Jesús

other - otro

about - acerca de

attractive - atractivo

understand - entender

appearances - apariciones

sleep - dormir

gonna - va a

thank - gracias

anything - cualquier cosa

camaro - camaro

women - mujer

double - doble

young - joven

awakening - despertar

disgusting - asqueroso

turkey - turquía

troupe - compañía

moustache - bigote

cougars - pumas

again - de nuevo

cream - crema

specific - específico

hoping - esperando

definitely - seguro

machine - máquina

fries - papas fritas

desperate - desesperado

eating - comiendo

attract - atraer

kabuki - kabuki

jelly - gelatina

coming - viniendo

everything - todo

dudes - tíos

funny - gracioso

tighten - apretar

having - teniendo

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