Ejercicios
Comedy
That's My Boy

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That's My Boy - Worst Dad Ever (Es)

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Categoría: Comedy

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So let me get this straight.

You want me to go visit my "sick mom"

that I haven't talked to in years, in prison,

- the day before my wedding. - Correct.

Not happening, asshole.

What the fuck did I do to you to make you hate me so much?

I am fucking baffled.

Maybe you don't remember, but you were basically the worst parent ever.

Me? I did everything for you, buddy,

and I never gave you an ounce of shit about nothing.

You never gave me nothing.

I gave you a snake.

Yeah, and then it died after it ate all your Quaaludes.

That was the only time anybody's ever seen a king cobra laugh.

And I take pride in that, so fuck you.

Yeah, great. You know what?

I basically had to raise myself, Donny.

I never learned how to swim.

I don't even know how to ride a bike.

You know fucking humiliating that is?

What about Mr. Mitty? Remember him?

What? No. What's that?

Mr. Mitty. I used to put an oven mitt on my hand.

He would cheer you up all the time when you were sad.

"Don't be upset, young man."

"I'm your best friend."

"Even though I'm an oven mitt."

No, I don't remember that, okay?

You know what I do remember?

You making me drive you home from the beach 'cause you got too drunk.

It makes sense to me.

When somebody's hammered, they have another guy drive home.

I was eight!

Well, you looked fourteen 'cause you were such a huge fat fuck.

I'm sorry.

You are such an asshole.

Dude, you're a millionaire now, and you're marrying that hot chick.

I must have done a pretty decent job as a dad, don't you think?

Oh, yeah? You want to check in on your pretty decent job?

Oh, my God.

You're a junkie? Who's your supplier?

'Cause I'll smack that motherfucker around.

It's insulin, you dick.

I'm a diabetic 'cause you let me eat cake and lollipops for breakfast every day.

But that's what you fucking asked for.

You're supposed to say no.

You know, I weighed 400 pounds by the time I was twelve.

You know how hard it was to take that weight off?

All right, all right.

I didn't know what I was doing. I had no one helping me.

Grandpa was a psycho. You know that.

Han Solo, don't be like this. I'm a good person.

Okay, don't call me that, all right?

My name's Todd now.

Call yourself Han Solo. You're dressed like him.

Good one.

I'm just saying, buddy, give me a chance.

Do you have any Axe body spray?

No, Donny, I don't have any Axe body spray.

Because I'm not a fucking douche bag.

That's a douche bag thing?

When did that become a douche bag thing?

Todd, the guests are arriving. Let's go!

All right, can you lighten up a little bit? We got a party to attend.

Good person, how about you put on a tie, okay?

It's a cocktail party, not a Quiznos opening.

What? I haven't worn a tie since my mother's funeral when I was three.

I'm not gonna start that up again.

That's great. Put on a tie.

- No. - Put on a tie!

I'll never sell out.

I'll give you a hundred bucks.

Where's the tie?

young - joven

years - años

worst - peor

weight - peso

weighed - pesado

wedding - boda

visit - visitar

upset - trastornado

three - tres

though - aunque

happening - sucediendo

chance - oportunidad

guests - invitados

remember - recuerda

gonna - va a

sense - sentido

every - jeder

because - porque

myself - mí mismo

eight - ocho

motherfucker - hijo de puta

psycho - psicópata

raise - aumento

hammered - martillado

everything - todo

talked - habló

beach - playa

arriving - llegando

doing - obra

drive - manejar

asshole - estúpido

funeral - funeral

makes - hace

quiznos - Quiznos

dressed - vestido

cobra - cobra

great - estupendo

baffled - desconcertado

drunk - borracho

around - alrededor

learned - aprendido

about - acerca de

lollipops - piruletas

breakfast - desayuno

never - nunca

again - de nuevo

basically - básicamente

decent - bueno

another - otro

buddy - compañero

diabetic - diabético

supposed - supuesto

bucks - dólares

correct - [object Object]

laugh - risa

straight - derecho

after - después

fourteen - catorce

asked - preguntó

chick - polluelo

before - antes de

douche - ducha

cocktail - cóctel

check - comprobar

little - pequeño

marrying - casarse

helping - ración

would - haría

start - comienzo

snake - serpiente

fucking - maldito

humiliating - humillante

millionaire - millonario

opening - apertura

hundred - cien

insulin - insulina

junkie - drogadicto

donny - donny

pride - orgullo

lighten - aligerar

making - fabricación

yourself - tú mismo

maybe - tal vez

mitty - mitty

nothing - nada

grandpa - abuelo

thing - cosa

ounce - onza

parent - padre

cheer - animar

party - fiesta

person - persona

friend - amigo

become - volverse

pounds - libras

pretty - bonita

prison - prisión

twelve - doce

quaaludes - quaaludes

right - derecho

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