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You know, so, like, I have this joke about how, like, you never see, like,
a very attractive, blonde, big-breasted homeless woman.
You know, like, like someone will take care of that person no matter what.
- That woman's gonna be fine. - All right, so here's the joke.
You can be attractive and stupid and make it in the world.
And you could be unattractive and smart and make it in the world.
But it's the ugly, dumb people who are really screwed
'cause they're ignorant and an eyesore.
- That's funny, man. - That's pretty funny.
I think that'll work.
I was thinking of doing this thing where, like,
I'm not good-looking and I'm not bad-looking.
Kind of, like, right in the middle, you know.
Like, if I had a good personality, I could get any chick in the world,
- but I don't. - Yeah, it doesn't work.
I auditioned for Budd Friedman at the improv.
He okayed me and made me a regular.
Budd won't even look me in the eye.
Man, that's... Good for you, man. Congratulations.
You shouldn't have lost all that weight, man.
There's nothing funny about a physically-fit man.
- I know. It's lame, right? - Yeah.
No one wants to watch Lance Armstrong do comedy.
Oh, God.
Hey, Ira.
Oh, hey, Mark. Can you do me a favor and never leave a paycheck
from your shit sitcom on my pillow ever again, please?
That is so rude of me to accidentally leave my paycheck
for $25,000 on your pillow. I'm sorry.
It's a dick move.
It's just, they keep coming, you know, week after week.
It's getting a little bit hard to keep track of them all.
You know what?
Becoming marginally famous has really turned you into an asshole.
Now listen, I'd love to stay here and chat with you
but we have company.
You know that girl comedian who lives across the street?
The one with the dark hair and the bangs?
Daisy, yeah.
Daisy, right. Well, I bumped into her outside and I invited her in,
and she's sitting in our living room right now.
She's out there right now?
She's hot and she's mousy, but kind of like...
She's mousy like a mouse you want to stick your dick in.
Yeah, you've gotta get out there and talk to her.
Why would you do that?
What do you mean, why would I do that? I'm trying to hook you up.
Well, I'm laying groundwork, man.
I got a three-month plan. You can't just throw me into this.
I'll give you 10 days on your three-month plan.
No, I need 80 more days than that!
Okay, I do this because I care about you. I do this to motivate you.
But I will fuck that girl in 10 days. I promise.
Come on, dude, I'm not cute like you.
I don't look like Jackson Browne. I look like Jon Favreau!
Don't do this to me. Don't make me fuck her.
Well, then just don't fuck her!
Don't you put me in this corner where I have to fuck my way out.
He'll do it, too. He'll do it. I've seen him do this before.
I'm gonna go out there and warm her up. I'll see you out there.
would - voluto
world - mondo
woman - donna
laying - posa
jackson - jackson
sitcom - sitcom
homeless - senza casa
think - pensare
wants - vuole
improv - improv
street - strada
unattractive - poco attraente
getting - ottenere
across - attraverso
favor - favore
famous - famoso
eyesore - obbrobrio
becoming - diventando
doing - fare
daisy - margherita
about - di
could - poteva
corner - angolo
again - ancora
motivate - motivare
browne - browne
gonna - andando
accidentally - accidentalmente
attractive - attraente
asshole - stronzo
favreau - Favreau
company - azienda
after - dopo
armstrong - Armstrong
personality - personalità
bumped - urtato
lance - lancia
little - piccolo
invited - invitato
comedian - comico
bangs - frangia
leave - partire
because - perché
comedy - commedia
coming - venuta
groundwork - basi
gotta - devo
friedman - friedman
funny - divertente
smart - inteligente
blonde - bionda
congratulations - complimenti
chick - pulcino
before - prima
ignorant - ignorante
someone - qualcuno
physically - fisicamente
mousy - da topo
lives - vite
thing - cosa
pillow - cuscino
looking - analizzare, cercare, guardare
matter - importa
middle - in mezzo
okayed - okayed
month - mese
outside - al di fuori
paycheck - stipendio
never - mai
people - persone
please - per favore
stupid - stupido
person - persona
auditioned - provino
pretty - bella
promise - promettere
really - veramente
regular - regolare
right - destra
weight - peso
sitting - seduta
sorry - scusa
stick - bastone
breasted - petto
there - là
mouse - topo
thinking - pensiero
three - tre
listen - ascolta
throw - gettare
nothing - niente
track - traccia
trying - provare
turned - trasformato
living - vita
watch - orologio
marginally - marginalmente
screwed - avvitato
where - dove
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