Exercícios
Comedy
Funny People

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Funny People - Marginally Famous A**hole (Pt)

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Categoria: Comedy

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You know, so, like, I have this joke about how, like, you never see, like,

a very attractive, blonde, big-breasted homeless woman.

You know, like, like someone will take care of that person no matter what.

- That woman's gonna be fine. - All right, so here's the joke.

You can be attractive and stupid and make it in the world.

And you could be unattractive and smart and make it in the world.

But it's the ugly, dumb people who are really screwed

'cause they're ignorant and an eyesore.

- That's funny, man. - That's pretty funny.

I think that'll work.

I was thinking of doing this thing where, like,

I'm not good-looking and I'm not bad-looking.

Kind of, like, right in the middle, you know.

Like, if I had a good personality, I could get any chick in the world,

- but I don't. - Yeah, it doesn't work.

I auditioned for Budd Friedman at the improv.

He okayed me and made me a regular.

Budd won't even look me in the eye.

Man, that's... Good for you, man. Congratulations.

You shouldn't have lost all that weight, man.

There's nothing funny about a physically-fit man.

- I know. It's lame, right? - Yeah.

No one wants to watch Lance Armstrong do comedy.

Oh, God.

Hey, Ira.

Oh, hey, Mark. Can you do me a favor and never leave a paycheck

from your shit sitcom on my pillow ever again, please?

That is so rude of me to accidentally leave my paycheck

for $25,000 on your pillow. I'm sorry.

It's a dick move.

It's just, they keep coming, you know, week after week.

It's getting a little bit hard to keep track of them all.

You know what?

Becoming marginally famous has really turned you into an asshole.

Now listen, I'd love to stay here and chat with you

but we have company.

You know that girl comedian who lives across the street?

The one with the dark hair and the bangs?

Daisy, yeah.

Daisy, right. Well, I bumped into her outside and I invited her in,

and she's sitting in our living room right now.

She's out there right now?

She's hot and she's mousy, but kind of like...

She's mousy like a mouse you want to stick your dick in.

Yeah, you've gotta get out there and talk to her.

Why would you do that?

What do you mean, why would I do that? I'm trying to hook you up.

Well, I'm laying groundwork, man.

I got a three-month plan. You can't just throw me into this.

I'll give you 10 days on your three-month plan.

No, I need 80 more days than that!

Okay, I do this because I care about you. I do this to motivate you.

But I will fuck that girl in 10 days. I promise.

Come on, dude, I'm not cute like you.

I don't look like Jackson Browne. I look like Jon Favreau!

Don't do this to me. Don't make me fuck her.

Well, then just don't fuck her!

Don't you put me in this corner where I have to fuck my way out.

He'll do it, too. He'll do it. I've seen him do this before.

I'm gonna go out there and warm her up. I'll see you out there.

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would - seria

world - mundo

woman - Mulher

laying - deitado

jackson - jackson

sitcom - sitcom

homeless - sem casa

think - pensar

wants - quer

improv - improv

street - rua

unattractive - pouco atraente

getting - obtendo

across - através

favor - favor

famous - famoso

eyesore - monstruosidade

becoming - tornando-se

doing - fazendo

daisy - margarida

about - sobre

could - poderia

corner - canto

again - novamente

motivate - motivar

browne - browne

gonna - vai

accidentally - acidentalmente

attractive - atraente

asshole - idiota

favreau - favreau

company - empresa

after - depois de

armstrong - armstrong

personality - personalidade

bumped - atingiu

lance - lança

little - pequeno

invited - convidamos

comedian - comediante

bangs - franja

leave - sair

because - porque

comedy - comédia

coming - chegando

groundwork - trabalho de base

gotta - tenho que

friedman - friedman

funny - engraçado

smart - inteligente

blonde - loiras

congratulations - parabéns

chick - pintinho

before - antes

ignorant - ignorante

someone - alguém

physically - fisicamente

mousy - mousy

lives - vidas

thing - coisa

pillow - travesseiro

looking - olhando

matter - importam

middle - meio

okayed - okayed

month - mês

outside - lado de fora

paycheck - cheque de pagamento

never - nunca

people - pessoas

please - por favor

stupid - estúpido

person - pessoa

auditioned - auditioned

pretty - bonita

promise - promessa

really - realmente

regular - regular

right - certo

weight - peso

sitting - sentado

sorry - desculpa

stick - bastão

breasted - de peito

there - há

mouse - rato

thinking - pensando

three - três

listen - ouço

throw - lançar

nothing - nada

track - pista

trying - tentando

turned - virou

living - vivo

watch - assistir

marginally - marginalmente

screwed - parafusado

where - onde

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