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Ooh, listen to this.
I got in a wreck because I was admiring
the shoulder hickey that Brett gave me
and got t-boned by a parked car.
Brett came over to comfort me and I'm so obsessed with him.
His face smells like Sea Breeze
and his hair is so long that when I make out with him
I pretend it's a scarf.
P.S. I might be pregnant.
- That shit is juicy. Read yours. - Okay.
I changed the grit on my rock tumbler today.
The amethyst is really shaping up.
I'm gonna mount it in a bolo tie for Dylan.
He got a new neck brace to stretch his melting vertebrae.
He loved his birthday card.
Especially how I burnt the edges of the scroll.
P.S. Crafting heals.
Last night at the party, I danced so hard my bra was soaking wet.
Jeff and I were flirting, and then he said
Let me show you something.
So we went to my room, and guess what he showed me?
A ween that is still wearing its hat.
Mmm. Your turn.
Wow. How many times did you have sex in this house?
You should have had sex here.
Having sex in your childhood bedroom is a rite of passage.
You chose the party mom role to protect yourself from fun.
No! I was not afraid of fun.
Here, check this out.
Happy birthday to me.
My party was amazing. I got what I asked for.
I am now a sponsor of a child in Ecuador.
I was the designated driver
because I could tell no one else wanted to be.
My favorite birthday gift was knowing everyone got home safe.
Last night was so fun I can't even talk about it.
There are no, period, words, period.
Man, I couldn't even talk about it!
I took my deaf friend to the Sheila E. concert
so she could really feel the music.
She was so grateful.
I didn't smoke pot because I was afraid there wasn't enough for everyone.
Oh, come on.
I miss those goddamn glory days.
Well, clearly, we had different experiences.
Oh, here's a play-by-play of a Jerry Lewis telethon.
Here's a chart of all the penises I ever saw.
Oh, good. Here's a quote from Helen Keller.
Here's really incorrect information about how to put a IUD in.
Here's a list of my houseplants.
- Put it in my butt. - Ew.
yourself - você mesmo
wreck - destruir
words - palavras
vertebrae - vértebra
breeze - brisa
happy - feliz
protect - proteger
guess - acho
jerry - jerry
especially - especialmente
burnt - queimado
favorite - favorito
smells - cheiros
edges - arestas
designated - designada
gonna - vai
experiences - experiências
wanted - procurado
crafting - crafting
could - poderia
birthday - aniversário
wearing - vestindo
because - porque
pretend - faz de conta
brett - Brett
admiring - admirando
amethyst - ametista
scarf - cachecol
concert - show
lewis - lewis
obsessed - obcecado
about - sobre
information - em formação
enough - suficiente
boned - desossada
showed - mostrou
hickey - hickey
amazing - surpreendente
brace - braçadeira
clearly - claramente
goddamn - maldito
everyone - todos
different - diferente
times - vezes
telethon - teleton
asked - perguntei
yours - sua
bedroom - quarto
chose - escolheu
child - criança
grateful - grato
check - verifica
afraid - receoso
danced - dançou
flirting - flertando
ecuador - Equador
comfort - conforto
music - música
should - devemos
heals - cura
house - casa
night - noite
sheila - sheila
incorrect - incorreta
juicy - suculento
keller - keller
knowing - sabendo
listen - ouço
having - tendo
dylan - dylan
houseplants - plantas de casa
loved - amado
driver - motorista
might - poderia
chart - gráfico
mount - monte
really - realmente
helen - helen
smoke - fumaça
party - festa
penises - pênis
passage - passagem
melting - fusão
period - período
pregnant - grávida
glory - glória
quote - citar
scroll - rolagem
changed - mudou
those - essa
shaping - moldando
stretch - esticam
shoulder - ombro
today - hoje
friend - amigos
soaking - embebendo
childhood - infância
parked - estacionado
something - alguma coisa
sponsor - patrocinador
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