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It was a dream.
Thank God.
No such luck, Jackie boy.
Stay back!
Okay, okay. You are not real. You're from the TV show.
You have blond highlights...
...and you had to wear a girdle on your last movie.
Who's calling who not real?
Okay, I do not believe this.
- You are real. - Temporarily.
Oh, Uncle Arthur. You're my favorite character.
I know.
What the hell's going on?
You need help. Your love life's a mess, buddy boy.
I know, I'm miserable.
So am I. I have been in reruns for 32 years.
I need the sizzle of prime time! I need to get this show back on the air.
This is very complicated and... and unsettling, all right?
I don't think I understand.
All right.
Do you want the short version or the long version?
Keep in mind that the long version is in Aramaic.
The short version.
You got involved with a witch, and when you do that...
...weird stuff happens.
- That's it? - Do I have to explain everything to you?
Okay, here's the deal. I'm not real.
- Iris is a witch. - Iris is a witch?
Don't dwell. And, in my opinion...
- that manager of yours, Richie... - What?
...isn't even human.
- Now, where was I? - When?
Before you woke up. Oh, right! Who wants to be with a witch?
Crazy crap like this would always be happening!
And your point is?
- The point is, you'd never know. - What?
Whether you were in love with her, or whether she just put a spell on you.
Like when you first spotted her in the bookstore. Probably her idea, right?
No, that was my idea.
- Oh, that's terrible. - I know, I just love to blend.
And when you got down on your knees and you begged her to take the job.
What are you saying?
She probably planted the words in your head.
No way, my words.
Yeah. What about the nose?
Hello? Is that even really her nose?
Of course it's her real nose.
Is all's I'm saying is, who wants to be with a witch?
I do.
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jackie
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prime
right
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