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These are the ground rules.
I hook up with one guy a season.
Usually takes me a couple weeks to pick the guy.
It's kind of my own spring training.
And well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far.
So, I just thought we should kind of get to know each other.
Time-out. Why do you get to choose?
- Why? - Why do you get to choose?
A mean, why don't I get to choose? Why doesn't he get to choose?
Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other.
It's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction and timing.
There are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart.
Well, it's like pheromones.
You get three ants together, they can't do dick.
You get 300 million of them, they can build a cathedral.
So is somebody gonna go to bed with somebody or what?
Honey, you are a regular nuclear meltdown. You better cool off.
Wait a minute. Where you going?
After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't try out.
I don't believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.
What do you believe in, then?
Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy,
the small of a woman's back,
the hanging curveball, high fiber, good Scotch,
that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap.
I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment
outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter.
I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography,
opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve
and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
Good night.
Oh, my. Crash.
Hey, Annie, what's all this molecule stuff?
Crash, wait! Look, all's I want is a date.
I'm not gonna fall in love with you or nothing.
I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in that boy.
Good night.
- I'm not interested yet. - Who you calling a boy?
See you at the yard, Meat.
Damn, nobody's ever said no to a date with me before.
He's crazy.
I want you bad.
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three
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takes
sweet
sontag
somebody
timing
small
scotch
regular
susan
pussy
promising
where
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pornography
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years
physics
pheromones
overrated
quantum
outlawing
ought
other
rather
oswald
understand
novels
nothing
nobody
spring
night
chooses
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calling
build
matters
harvey
nuclear
christmas
prospects
morning
annie
believe
constitutional
meltdown
acted
weeks
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before
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amendment
after
attraction
there
question
astroturf
really
apart
going
gonna
couple
training
alone
should
opening
ground
honey
million
better
crash
curveball
crazy
comes
hanging
actually
designated
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stuff
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interested
kisses
these
minor
usually
bring
minute
molecular
molecule
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