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Hey, there, Timmy.
Holy mackerel, mister. You scared the jeepers out of me.
How'd you like to take a break from that fine lead-based paint,
and learn about dodgeball?
Boy, would I.
- Where am I, mister? - You're in a Chinese opium den, Timmy.
This is where the sport of dodgeball was invented in the 15th century,
by opium-addicted Chinamen.
But back then, the Chinamen threw severed human heads at each another
instead of the ADAA-approved balls we use today.
ADAA?
That's the American Dodgeball Association of America.
Dodgeball is played with six players on each team, and six rubber balls.
The object of the game is to eliminate the opposing players.
Once all the players on one team are eliminated, the opposing team wins.
Wow. I can't wait to get the fellas together and play.
Hang on a second there, sport.
- Patches O'Houlihan. - That's right, Timmy.
Patches O'Houlihan.
Seven-time ADAA All-Star is here to take you the rest of the way.
- Jeepers. Really? - You betcha, champ.
If you catch a ball that's thrown at you before it hits the ground,
then the player who threw that ball is out, not you.
Plus, another player from your team gets to come back into the game.
- It's a two-player swing. - Thanks, Patches.
I can't wait to start my own team at school.
Attaboy, Tiger.
But remember
dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.
So, when you're picking players in gym class,
remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team.
That way, you can all gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here.
Nice one, son. You'll be an all-star yet.
Just remember the five Ds of dodgeball.
Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.
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