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You probably shouldn't be digging in your ass.
- Santa... - Oh, jeez.
- Is that your underwear? - Part of it.
Where the hell's the rest of it?
No, actually, don't tell me. I don't want to know. What do you want?
I was thinking I wanted a purple stuffed elephant, not pink.
But now I changed my mind.
- Yeah, what? - Now I don't want an elephant at all.
I want a gorilla named Davey
for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear.
And he could take his orders from the talking walnut,
so it wouldn't be my bad thing.
Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn't need no fucking gorilla,
and I wasn't as big as one of your legs.
Four kids beat me up one time and I went crying to my daddy.
- You know what he did? - He made it all better?
No, he kicked my ass. You know why?
'Cause you went to the bathroom on Mommy's dishes?
What the fuck? No.
He tried to teach you not to cry and be a man?
No. It's because he was a mean, drunk son of a bitch.
And when he wasn't busting my ass,
he was putting cigarettes out on my neck.
The world ain't fair.
You gotta take what you need when you can get it.
You gotta learn to stand up for yourself.
You gotta have to quit being a pussy.
And kick these kids in the balls or something.
Or don't. Shit, I don't care.
Just leave me the hell out of it. Now, get on out of here.
Okay. Thanks, Santa.
Go get the next lucky boy or girl.
world
where
wanted
gorilla
stand
dishes
underwear
crying
elephant
walnut
could
cigarettes
beating
yourself
balls
kicked
because
daddy
better
santa
these
gotta
pussy
drunk
bathroom
bitch
orders
thanks
jesus
learn
purple
fucking
lucky
putting
named
leave
probably
digging
changed
skateboard
teach
something
davey
stuffed
talking
being
thing
thinking
actually
busting
tried
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