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Hand over the milk money, Weaver.
I'm afraid, I can't do that, Derek.
I'm just not sure you'll spend it on milk.
That's me, Mitch Weaver.
That's Sam, my lifelong best friend.
I never had a dad growing up, so Sam's dad Pops tried to fill in a little.
He was a boxer, real tough guy.
One thing to remember in life, no matter where you go
no matter what you do....
don't take no crap from nobody.
I never liked the guy, but he was right about not taking crap.
Wow! My dad sure is great.
Hey, do you know where he hides his guns?
Don't worry.
We just planted the guns in the bully's desk so he'd get in trouble.
It wasn't me!
Let me go! They weren't mine!
We always did stuff like that, get back at people who messed with us.
Like there was this crossing guard used to grab all the kids' asses.
Back then people weren't on the lookout for that kind of thing.
The only way to nail a guy like that was to catch him red-handed.
That's where the Super Glue came in.
Hey, look, everybody! Crossing guard's grabbing 8-year-old's ass over here!
And we really got back at this ornery baby-sitter we didn't like.
After all these years, this picture still makes me horny.
I mean, wistful! It makes me wistful.
When I was 16, the saddest event of my life occurred.
My mom died.
Everyone did their best to console me, particularly Aunt Jenny.
It wasn't easy, because I'm not comfortable expressing my...
What do you call them? Emotions?
Anyways, I learned to express myself in other ways.
I started making little notes to myself.
Note to self.
Remember, Aunt Jenny is your aunt.
Then there was this character we had to deal with.
She thought just because she was a meter maid...
that she had the right to go around giving everybody parking tickets.
That's where the popcorn came in handy.
In high school, I still didn't take crap from anyone, man or beast.
But this Doberman would always chase us.
So we borrowed my cousin's huge German shepherd...
who also happens to be gay.
Taught that Doberman some humility.
worry
weaver
tried
thought
thing
taught
stuff
still
sitter
wistful
shepherd
tough
there
school
remember
popcorn
planted
started
people
where
particularly
parking
notes
would
nobody
money
mitch
messed
matter
ornery
occurred
making
emotions
spend
comfortable
trouble
catch
taking
beast
anyways
borrowed
doberman
boxer
hides
right
crossing
other
event
about
meter
asses
their
saddest
anyone
growing
horny
never
afraid
console
really
everyone
giving
chase
liked
after
tickets
these
derek
picture
character
great
years
jenny
around
learned
myself
because
everybody
express
expressing
friend
always
grabbing
handed
super
makes
handy
happens
guard
humility
lifelong
little
german
lookout
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