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Supper's ready! Come on, y'all! I've been slaving over this for hours!
Dear Lord baby Jesus...
...or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesus...
...we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino's, KFC...
the always delicious Taco Bell.
I just want to take time to say thank you for my family...
...my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons...
...Walker and Texas Ranger...
...or T.R., as we call him...
...and of course, my red-hot smoking wife, Carley...
...who is a stone-cold fox.
Who if you were to rate her ass on 100, it would easily be a 94.
Also wanna thank you for my best friend
...who's got my back no matter what.
Shake and Bake.
Dear Lord baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife's father, Chip.
We hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers...
...to heal him and his horrible leg.
And it smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering with it.
Dear tiny infant Jesus,
You know, sweetie...
...Jesus did grow up.
You don't always have to call him "baby."
It's a bit odd and off-putting to pray to a baby.
I like the Christmas Jesus best and I'm saying grace.
When you say grace, you can say it to grownup Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or...
...bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.
You know what I want?
I want you to do this grace good, so that God will let us win tomorrow.
Dear tiny Jesus...
...in your golden-fleece diapers, with your tiny, little, fat, balled-up fists...
He was a man. He had a beard.
Look, I like the baby version the best, do you hear me?
I win the races and I get the money.
Ricky, finish the damn grace.
I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt...
...because it says, like, "I wanna be formal...
but I'm here to party too.
Because I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.
I like to picture Jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samurai.
I like to think of Jesus, like, with giant eagle's wings.
And singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd...
...with, like, a angel band.
And I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk.
Hey, Cal?
- Why don't you just shut up? - Yes, ma'am.
would
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version
tuxedo
think
terrible
teenage
sweetie
stone
south
slaving
skynyrd
singing
saying
samurai
ricky
ready
races
fighting
striking
smells
fists
drunk
carley
tomorrow
beard
smoking
course
balled
harvest
lynyrd
handsome
always
infant
walker
easily
texas
matter
ranger
father
angel
bountiful
diapers
horrible
because
giant
brothers
hours
picture
finish
bothering
shirt
beautiful
fleece
whoever
friend
bearded
front
grace
hammered
golden
jesus
thank
formal
money
grownup
family
little
ninja
shake
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party
wanna
christmas
powers
putting
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