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Trainwreck

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Trainwreck - I Scored on LeBron James (Es)

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I mean, I really, really like her, but...

she's-- she's got some issues, you know?

- I mean, that's gonna happen. - Yeah.

- It's like, last night we went out drinking, and, like - You? - Yeah, I went out drinking.

And she, uh-- And, uh-- We, uh--

You know, I don't drink. I got hammered.

And then she drank a lot, but she didn't - Barely got-

But she didn't get drunk at all.

She's-

- So how's the sex? - The sex?

Why do you always wanna know this stuff, man?

Listen, I'm a married man. Uh-huh.

I need to live vicariously through you.

- Just give me a couple of details. - No.

- Just like 11. - Eleven details?

When you're married as long as me, you'll understand.

She knows what she wants. It's great.

The sex is great. It's rough. It's wild.

I mean, if it's not wild, it's not right.

Right. But no, it's crazy.

Like pulling my hair and stuff and...

We've never-- We haven't even laid down yet.

Always either, like, sitting up or against a wall or something.

- I've never been on top once. - Oh.

- We have a safe word. - Already?

- Yeah. It's "calypso." - Man, it's pretty early for a safe word.

- It is. - Wow - Second date, we had a safe word.

It's insane, man.

You ready for this? Come on, man.

- I've been practicing. - Man, knock it off.

Ready for this?

- Yeah! Oh. It's foul. - Foul?

- Yeah, man. You hit me. - No.

- You use protection, right? - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, she's got little bowls of condoms all around her apartment.

- Condoms? - Yeah.

It's not about condoms. I's more, like, protection, like a lawyer.

- Like a nondisclosure agreement, you know?

No penetration without representation.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

- Wh-- What happened? - Nothing, man.

Listen, I'll tell you one thing.

You don't wanna have a baby mama. Yeah? Next thing, you're paying for a Ferrari.

- Yeah. - You getting her a big house, a big mansion.

She's gonna want to start a jumpsuit line.

And you gonna have to pay for it. You wanna go through that?

You gotta convince one of your friends to say he's the dad and raise the child.

Like, who wants to go through that? Kid end up being 6'7", and your best friend only 5'2".

Eighteen years later, the kid comes and he writes a book about you saying how much of a jackass you are.

Yeah. Eighteen years, man. Eighteen years.

Your baby mama's car and crib is bigger than his.

You could turn on the TV any given Sunday.

Win the Super Bowl and drive off in a Hyundai.

She was supposed to get the shorty Tyco with your money.

Then she went to the doctor, got lipo with your money.

What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about?

- It's Kanye. - You're quoting Kanye West to me?

You know what? Amy's not like that.

Amy's not like that at all. She's awesome.

And this is gonna be great.

- And I think she's cool, and I don't have to worry about that, you know. - All right.

Oh! Did you let me do that?

Did I just score on you?

Yes! You are my bitch, LeBron James!

But not really. Not really.

You gotta admit, that was a good shot though. Come on, man.

I scored on LeBron James. I'm never playing basketball again.

Lunch is on you, buddy!

Where you going, Aaron? Whoo!

Aaron!

LeBron.

Whoo!

Goddamn it!

years - años

writes - escribe

without - sin

vicariously - vicariamente

think - pensar

talking - hablando

supposed - supuesto

super - [object Object]

sunday - domingo

goddamn - maldito

ready - listo

basketball - baloncesto

either - ya sea

details - detalles

crazy - loca

wanna - quiere

start - comienzo

could - podría

scored - anotado

couple - pareja

gonna - va a

practicing - practicando

already - ya

given - dado

drinking - bebida

drive - manejar

quoting - cotizando

going - yendo

lebron - lebron

early - temprano

awesome - increíble

lunch - almuerzo

nothing - nada

aaron - aaron

about - acerca de

comes - proviene

hyundai - hyundai

getting - consiguiendo

second - segundo

eighteen - dieciocho

against - en contra

buddy - compañero

always - siempre

friends - amigos

drunk - borracho

admit - admitir

again - de nuevo

drank - bebió

gotta - tengo que

penetration - penetración

child - niño

doctor - doctor

barely - apenas

happened - pasó

calypso - calipso

drink - beber

around - alrededor

wants - quiere

pulling - tracción

apartment - apartamento

bitch - perra

bowls - bochas

knows - sabe

though - aunque

condoms - condones

little - pequeño

where - dónde

bigger - más grande

great - estupendo

house - casa

insane - insano

worry - preocupación

issues - cuestiones

listen - escucha

agreement - acuerdo

representation - representación

jackass - burro

sitting - sentado

kanye - kanye

mansion - palacio

knock - golpe

later - luego

money - dinero

understand - entender

never - nunca

raise - aumento

hammered - martillado

night - noche

protection - proteccion

nondisclosure - no divulgación

through - mediante

paying - pago

thing - cosa

playing - jugando

friend - amigo

pretty - bonita

married - casado

really - de verdad

convince - convencer

james - james

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