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Comedy
That's My Boy

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That's My Boy - Worst Dad Ever (It)

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1Guarda il video Inizia l'esercizio

Categoria: Comedy

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So let me get this straight.

You want me to go visit my "sick mom"

that I haven't talked to in years, in prison,

- the day before my wedding. - Correct.

Not happening, asshole.

What the fuck did I do to you to make you hate me so much?

I am fucking baffled.

Maybe you don't remember, but you were basically the worst parent ever.

Me? I did everything for you, buddy,

and I never gave you an ounce of shit about nothing.

You never gave me nothing.

I gave you a snake.

Yeah, and then it died after it ate all your Quaaludes.

That was the only time anybody's ever seen a king cobra laugh.

And I take pride in that, so fuck you.

Yeah, great. You know what?

I basically had to raise myself, Donny.

I never learned how to swim.

I don't even know how to ride a bike.

You know fucking humiliating that is?

What about Mr. Mitty? Remember him?

What? No. What's that?

Mr. Mitty. I used to put an oven mitt on my hand.

He would cheer you up all the time when you were sad.

"Don't be upset, young man."

"I'm your best friend."

"Even though I'm an oven mitt."

No, I don't remember that, okay?

You know what I do remember?

You making me drive you home from the beach 'cause you got too drunk.

It makes sense to me.

When somebody's hammered, they have another guy drive home.

I was eight!

Well, you looked fourteen 'cause you were such a huge fat fuck.

I'm sorry.

You are such an asshole.

Dude, you're a millionaire now, and you're marrying that hot chick.

I must have done a pretty decent job as a dad, don't you think?

Oh, yeah? You want to check in on your pretty decent job?

Oh, my God.

You're a junkie? Who's your supplier?

'Cause I'll smack that motherfucker around.

It's insulin, you dick.

I'm a diabetic 'cause you let me eat cake and lollipops for breakfast every day.

But that's what you fucking asked for.

You're supposed to say no.

You know, I weighed 400 pounds by the time I was twelve.

You know how hard it was to take that weight off?

All right, all right.

I didn't know what I was doing. I had no one helping me.

Grandpa was a psycho. You know that.

Han Solo, don't be like this. I'm a good person.

Okay, don't call me that, all right?

My name's Todd now.

Call yourself Han Solo. You're dressed like him.

Good one.

I'm just saying, buddy, give me a chance.

Do you have any Axe body spray?

No, Donny, I don't have any Axe body spray.

Because I'm not a fucking douche bag.

That's a douche bag thing?

When did that become a douche bag thing?

Todd, the guests are arriving. Let's go!

All right, can you lighten up a little bit? We got a party to attend.

Good person, how about you put on a tie, okay?

It's a cocktail party, not a Quiznos opening.

What? I haven't worn a tie since my mother's funeral when I was three.

I'm not gonna start that up again.

That's great. Put on a tie.

- No. - Put on a tie!

I'll never sell out.

I'll give you a hundred bucks.

Where's the tie?

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young - giovane

years - anni

worst - peggio

weight - peso

weighed - pesato

wedding - nozze

visit - visita

upset - irritato

three - tre

though - anche se

happening - avvenimento

chance - opportunità

guests - ospiti

remember - ricorda

gonna - andando

sense - senso

every - dejte pozor

because - perché

myself - me stessa

eight - otto

motherfucker - motherfucker

psycho - psicopatico

raise - aumentare

hammered - martellato

everything - qualunque cosa

talked - parlato

beach - spiaggia

arriving - in arrivo

doing - fare

drive - guidare

asshole - stronzo

funeral - funerale

makes - fa

quiznos - Quiznos

dressed - vestito

cobra - cobra

great - grande

baffled - sconcertato

drunk - ubriaco

around - in giro

learned - imparato

about - di

lollipops - lecca-lecca

breakfast - colazione

never - mai

again - ancora

basically - fondamentalmente

decent - decente

another - un altro

buddy - compagno

diabetic - diabetico

supposed - ipotetico

bucks - dollari

correct - corretta

laugh - ridere

straight - dritto

after - dopo

fourteen - quattordici

asked - chiesto

chick - pulcino

before - prima

douche - doccia

cocktail - cocktail

check - dai un'occhiata

little - piccolo

marrying - sposare

helping - porzione

would - voluto

start - inizio

snake - serpente

fucking - cazzo

humiliating - umiliante

millionaire - milionario

opening - apertura

hundred - centinaio

insulin - insulina

junkie - drogato

donny - donny

pride - orgoglio

lighten - alleggerire

making - fabbricazione

yourself - te stesso

maybe - può essere

mitty - Mitty

nothing - niente

grandpa - nonno

thing - cosa

ounce - oncia

parent - genitore

cheer - rallegrare

party - partito

person - persona

friend - amico

become - diventare

pounds - sterline

pretty - bella

prison - prigione

twelve - dodici

quaaludes - Quaaludes

right - destra

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