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Comedy
Going the Distance - The Mustache Time Machine

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Going the Distance - The Mustache Time Machine (Pl)

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Kategoria: Comedy

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Can I please get the garbage omelet, double meat, home fries...

and how about everything bagel...

...with butter, cream cheese, jelly, all that shit.

And then, you know what? I'll take a chocolate shake.

And I will make it very easy for you.

- You know, I'll have that same exact thing. - Okay.

- I'll just have the turkey burger. - Okay.

Is there a way to just wrap it in lettuce, like use lettuce as if the bun?

- We can do no bun. Does that work? - No bun. Yeah.

Fries or salad?

Uh, I'll get the salad with dressing on the side.

- Yep, coming up. - Thank you.

Wow! - What?

- That's like... you're eating like a bird there, huh? - No.

He's visiting Erin for Thanksgiving and worrying about his weight.

- All right. - Jesus. - I told you not to say anything.

We haven't seen each other in a while, okay? So...

Okay, I get that. I understand. That makes sense to me.

- Wanna tighten up. - I get you, I get you.

I mean, If you're so worried about your appearance,

are you gonna do something about your veiny, white skin? Mm.

'Cause right now you look like an actor in a kabuki troupe.

- You're really want to talk about appearances. - How so?

No offense, but with the moustache...

- What? You don't like it? - It's disgusting.

I don't care what you think about this. This is not for you.

Who's it for, the ྏ Yankees bullpen?

Very funny.

No, I'm actually trying to scratch a very specific demographic off my fuck-it list.

What's a fuck-it list?

He's got this list, it's like a bucket list...

but it's all the women he's trying to bang before he dies.

So, what kind of women are you hoping to attract with your moustache?

Older women, between 45 and 60.

Oh, so, cougars.

- This is where it's weird. - No. No, not cougars.

Okay, see, cougars, to me, are sad, desperate

older women that want to be young now.

Okay? But what I'm looking for are older attractive women...

that want to be young again. All right?

See, when women see me with a moustache of that type...

they're transported back to a time when the moustache was king:

- The '70s, the early '80s. - Right.

All right? The era of their sexual awakening.

So then, when I'm on top of them, and they look up at me...

they see this person, they're transported back to that time.

All right? See, this isn't a moustache, it's a time machine.

It's a time machine to the back of Burt Reynolds' Camaro.

Right. You know what, it's... - Bottom line is, dude, don't get a moustache, get a tan.

I don't think she's that kind of girl.

I just don't think she's that superficial. - Really?

Okay, so she won't bang fat dudes...

but she will sleep with a guy who has skin

that looks like his face is covered in jizz?

Bro, If she's gonna dump you for eating too many carbs...

she's definitely gonna dump you for not having a tan.

That's true.

All right, I get the point.

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yankees - jankesi

worried - zmartwiony

white - biały

weight - waga

wanna - chcę

visiting - przyjezdny

trying - próbować

think - myśleć

while - podczas gdy

their - ich

thanksgiving - święto dziękczynienia

thing - rzecz

superficial - powierzchowny

worrying - frasobliwy

transported - przewieziony

something - coś

shake - potrząsnąć

weird - dziwne

sense - sens

scratch - zadraśnięcie

right - dobrze

really - naprawdę

salad - sałatka

point - punkt

person - osoba

omelet - omlet

offense - wykroczenie

makes - czyni

looking - patrząc

sexual - seksualny

older - starsze

lettuce - sałata

butter - masło

covered - pokryty

burger - burger

dressing - ubieranie się

early - wcześnie

looks - wygląda

exact - dokładny

where - gdzie

bullpen - bullpen

actor - aktor

there - tam

bucket - wiadro

carbs - węglowodany

bottom - dolny

chocolate - czekolada

before - przed

demographic - demograficzny

actually - tak właściwie

appearance - wygląd

please - proszę

between - pomiędzy

veiny - żyłowaty

bagel - bajgiel

garbage - śmieci

cheese - ser

jesus - Jezus

other - inny

about - o

attractive - atrakcyjny

understand - zrozumieć

appearances - pojawienia się

sleep - sen

gonna - gonna

thank - podziękować

anything - byle co

camaro - camaro

women - kobiety

double - podwójnie

young - młody

awakening - budzenie

disgusting - obrzydliwy

turkey - indyk

troupe - trupa

moustache - wąsy

cougars - kuguary

again - jeszcze raz

cream - krem

specific - konkretny

hoping - mając nadzieję

definitely - zdecydowanie

machine - maszyna

fries - frytki

desperate - zdesperowany

eating - jedzenie

attract - pociągać

kabuki - kabuki

jelly - galaretka

coming - przyjście

everything - wszystko

dudes - dudy

funny - zabawny

tighten - dokręcać

having - mający

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