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I'm really sorry.
We missed Your Body is a Wonderland.
Okay. Only one song. That's not so bad, right?
It was fucking Your Body is a Wonderland!
Well, the good news is, he has so many good ones.
Here's an idea: next time, instead of being late, just shit on my face.
'Cause that's kind of the same thing as missing Your Body is a Wonderland.
Okay, come on. We really gotta go in.
Julia Roberts is about to put on her really tall boots.
We need to talk.
I think we should take a break.
I just feel like we should chill for a while, you know?
- You're doing this? - You're breaking up with me?
You said I was your soul mate.
I did? When?
When we were at that bed and breakfast having sex.
- But, you know, that... - That doesn't what?
- Count. - I was tied up at work. I'm sorry.
Maybe you should care a little bit less about work
and a little more about the girl that you're dating.
'Cause last time I checked, work doesn't reassure you
that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay.
I never said "go up." Okay?
I just said lightly around... It's like a... like a little button.
You know what? Not your issue any more.
Is this why you were late?
You were worried about how to break up with me?
Oh, no, no. I was trying to decide what to wear.
- So, you went with sneakers and a hoodie. - Yeah.
What, are you gonna take the SATs after this?
Don't lash out, okay?
- You're better than that. - I'm really not.
I just think we're heading in different directions.
Yeah, you to the John Mayer concert and me not.
Thank you for doing this before the concert, by the way.
Best breakup.
He is the Sheryl Crow of our generation!
Let me just ask you a quick question.
And just know that I am not at all crushed by this breakup.
So, be honest. Why?
- Wait, is this a trick? - No.
Just pure anthropological research.
Okay. You want someone to sweep you off your feet,
but you're more interested in getting swept off your feet
than the someone who's doing the sweeping.
You seem like you've got it totally together,
but you're actually really emotionally damaged.
Also, you have, like, really big eyes, and that freaks me out sometimes...
Thank you. That's enough.
It is not you at all.
Of course it's me! You can't say that. You're breaking up with me!
It's not. It's me. I don't like you any more.
This is my fault. You deserve better than me.
You're a great guy.
A little too emotionally unavailable, if you ask me.
I didn't.
I really want to stay friends.
- Let's stay friends. - Sure.
Totally.
while
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sheryl
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really
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little
liking
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doing
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dating
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anthropological
honest
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