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I mean, I really, really like her, but...
she's-- she's got some issues, you know?
- I mean, that's gonna happen. - Yeah.
- It's like, last night we went out drinking, and, like - You? - Yeah, I went out drinking.
And she, uh-- And, uh-- We, uh--
You know, I don't drink. I got hammered.
And then she drank a lot, but she didn't - Barely got-
But she didn't get drunk at all.
She's-
- So how's the sex? - The sex?
Why do you always wanna know this stuff, man?
Listen, I'm a married man. Uh-huh.
I need to live vicariously through you.
- Just give me a couple of details. - No.
- Just like 11. - Eleven details?
When you're married as long as me, you'll understand.
She knows what she wants. It's great.
The sex is great. It's rough. It's wild.
I mean, if it's not wild, it's not right.
Right. But no, it's crazy.
Like pulling my hair and stuff and...
We've never-- We haven't even laid down yet.
Always either, like, sitting up or against a wall or something.
- I've never been on top once. - Oh.
- We have a safe word. - Already?
- Yeah. It's "calypso." - Man, it's pretty early for a safe word.
- It is. - Wow - Second date, we had a safe word.
It's insane, man.
You ready for this? Come on, man.
- I've been practicing. - Man, knock it off.
Ready for this?
- Yeah! Oh. It's foul. - Foul?
- Yeah, man. You hit me. - No.
- You use protection, right? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, she's got little bowls of condoms all around her apartment.
- Condoms? - Yeah.
It's not about condoms. I's more, like, protection, like a lawyer.
- Like a nondisclosure agreement, you know?
No penetration without representation.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
- Wh-- What happened? - Nothing, man.
Listen, I'll tell you one thing.
You don't wanna have a baby mama. Yeah? Next thing, you're paying for a Ferrari.
- Yeah. - You getting her a big house, a big mansion.
She's gonna want to start a jumpsuit line.
And you gonna have to pay for it. You wanna go through that?
You gotta convince one of your friends to say he's the dad and raise the child.
Like, who wants to go through that? Kid end up being 6'7", and your best friend only 5'2".
Eighteen years later, the kid comes and he writes a book about you saying how much of a jackass you are.
Yeah. Eighteen years, man. Eighteen years.
Your baby mama's car and crib is bigger than his.
You could turn on the TV any given Sunday.
Win the Super Bowl and drive off in a Hyundai.
She was supposed to get the shorty Tyco with your money.
Then she went to the doctor, got lipo with your money.
What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about?
- It's Kanye. - You're quoting Kanye West to me?
You know what? Amy's not like that.
Amy's not like that at all. She's awesome.
And this is gonna be great.
- And I think she's cool, and I don't have to worry about that, you know. - All right.
Oh! Did you let me do that?
Did I just score on you?
Yes! You are my bitch, LeBron James!
But not really. Not really.
You gotta admit, that was a good shot though. Come on, man.
I scored on LeBron James. I'm never playing basketball again.
Lunch is on you, buddy!
Where you going, Aaron? Whoo!
Aaron!
LeBron.
Whoo!
Goddamn it!
years
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without
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talking
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super
sunday
goddamn
ready
basketball
either
details
crazy
wanna
start
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already
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drinking
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quoting
going
lebron
early
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lunch
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aaron
about
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hyundai
getting
second
eighteen
against
buddy
always
friends
drunk
admit
again
drank
gotta
penetration
child
doctor
barely
happened
calypso
drink
around
wants
pulling
apartment
bitch
bowls
knows
though
condoms
little
where
bigger
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house
insane
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issues
listen
agreement
representation
jackass
sitting
kanye
mansion
knock
later
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understand
never
raise
hammered
night
protection
nondisclosure
through
paying
thing
playing
friend
pretty
married
really
convince
james
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